Don't you hate...

I have a lethal method to thwart the evils of lack of toilet paper, its called the conservative wipe. REMEMBER, this requires atleast 3 PLY SQUARES!. First, you take the first ply, and use it like a scout for the preliminary wipe, see how much is actually in there, but don't travel too deep. Then, use the second ply as a scape goat, dIG ALL THE WAY IN until you're practically goatse. Finally, use the last one to do the odds and ends of cleaning. Hopefully this walkthrough will save you from having to duckwalk when everyones at home to get more toilet paper.
 
fuck ya... i had diarrhea this morning at like 5am and i was like "thank god theres a roll in the cabinet under the sink"
 
speaking of poop

i hate it when you're taking a mean dump with thick nutty turds and you think you're done so you wipe but there was another turd halfway out so you wipe it but theres still that turd in your butt so you're like "oh man!" but it wont come out cuz you wiped your butt already so it has to slide back inside and you're like "uncool" and then you have to walk around a little to convince it to poop again then go and try to finish pooping
 
I've found if you're patient you can get the poop to come out by just waiting on the toilet. Sometimes it may take a couple hours but it will eventually come out.
 
free said:
speaking of poop

i hate it when you're taking a mean dump with thick nutty turds and you think you're done so you wipe but there was another turd halfway out so you wipe it but theres still that turd in your butt so you're like "oh man!" but it wont come out cuz you wiped your butt already so it has to slide back inside and you're like "uncool" and then you have to walk around a little to convince it to poop again then go and try to finish pooping
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yeah I hate it when that happens.

Also, when you're in a big hurry the dumping is bound to smear 100% of your buttocks.

If you go take a dump the odds that someone is going to phone you or ring your door bell are increased by a factor of 50x.
 
Don't you just hate it when you get an important phone call while shitting so you run out of the bathroom with half a poop mixed with toilet paper hanging out of your ass and simultaneously the girl you've been trying to impress is standing outside your door and the wind blows open the door revealing you in all your shitty manhood?
 
Rabid Poop said:
Don't you just hate it when you get an important phone call while shitting so you run out of the bathroom with half a poop mixed with toilet paper hanging out of your ass and simultaneously the girl you've been trying to impress is standing outside your door and the wind blows open the door revealing you in all your shitty manhood?
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no never had that happen
 
ive taken a square shit before (no joke)
man that was fucked up, i shoulda taken a pic
 
a good way to spend less time in the bathroom is to massage/press your belly in certain motions/directions

so basically, you press the poop out of your intestines
good for when it just doesnt want to come out
 
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