t-127122 Actual Coast Guard Message - LOL [Flat] - TribalWar Forums

Actual Coast Guard Message - LOL

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Bounty
05-03-2002, 06:24 AM
081611Z MAR 02
FM COMCOGARD MLC PAC ALAMEDA CA//KSE//
TO AIG 8985
AIG 8968
INFO COMDT COGARD WASHINGTON DC//WKS//
COMCOGARD MLC LANT NORFOLK VA//K//
BT
UNCLAS //N05100//
SUBJ: SAFE WORK PRACTICES IN POTENTIALLY FLAMMABLE ATMOSPHERES
1. A PETTY OFFICER WAS TREATED AT A MILITARY TREATMENT FACILITY (MTF) AFTER COMPLAINING OF SHORTNESS OF BREATH AFTER WORKING IN AN ENCLOSED WORKSPACE WITH SEVERAL OTHER PERSONNEL. AS THE DINING FACILITY (CGDF) HAD SERVED A MEXICAN MEAL FOR LUNCH, THE CAUSE IS SUSPECTED TO BE HIGH METHANE AND SULFITE LEVELS IN THE ATMOSPHERE FROM THE CREW'S FLATULENCE.
2. MANY COAST GUARD PERSONNEL WORK IN FACILITIES AND ON SHIPS WHERE FLATULENCE MAY EXIST, AND DUE TO MISSION URGENCY ARE NOT ABLE TO IMMEDIATELY VACATE THE SPACE SHOULD THE AIR BECOME FOUL. THIS MISHAP SERVES AS A STRONG REMINDER THAT THE EXPRESSION OF FLATULENCE CAN BE
EXTREMELY DANGEROUS IN THESE AREAS, UNLESS THEY ARE SPECIFICALLY LISTED AS INTRINSICALLY SAFE. THE COAST GUARD HAS DEVELOPED THE FOLLOWING SAFE WORK PRACTICE TO ADDRESS THIS PROBLEM:
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, THE PRACTICE OF EXPELLING FLATULENCE, COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS "FARTING", "BREAKING WIND", OR "PASSING GAS", IS PROHIBITED ABOARD ALL COAST GUARD CUTTERS, BOATS, VEHICLES, AIRCRAFT, AND SHORE INSTALLATIONS.
3. THIS REGULATION APPLIES NOT ONLY TO AUDIBLE FLATULANCE, OR INCIDENTS THAT ARE CLAIMED BY THEIR PERPETRATOR, BUT ALSO TO COVERT EVENTS SUCH AS "DEADLY WHISPERS","CHEEK SNEAKERS", AND "CROP DUSTINGS".
4. UNAUTHORIZED EXPULSION OF FLATULENCE IS TO BE PUNISHED UNDER THE UCMJ. "HE WHO SMELT IT DEALT IT" IS CONSIDERED SUFFICIENT BASIS FOR PROSECUTION. "I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO STINK" OR "I ATE AT THE GALLEY" IS NOT TO BE ACCEPTED AS AN EXCUSE FOR FAILURE TO CONTROL ONESELF.
5. COMMANDS ARE INSTRUCTED TO ENSURE KNOWN GAS PRODUCING FOODS ARE AVOIDED AT CGDFs. MEXICAN THEMED MEALS, NAVY OR BAKED BEANS, CHILI, CABBAGE, AND EGG SALAD ARE NO LONGER AUTHORIZED MENU ITEMS.
6. THE LIGHTING OF FLATULENCE WITH ANY TYPE OF OPEN FLAME IS STILL PROHIBITED.
7. POC LT SMITH, 555-000-000.
BT
NNNN

slinkeh
05-03-2002, 06:25 AM
:fart:

Chimera
05-03-2002, 06:26 AM
:rofl:

_Kaiser_
05-03-2002, 06:26 AM
:rofl:

Nomad
05-03-2002, 06:26 AM
wow.. they really got all their bases covered

DarkDonut
05-03-2002, 06:33 AM
beware my lethal gases

Defcon 4 DD just cut one!

Somec
05-03-2002, 06:35 AM
:lol:

wages6.6sin
05-03-2002, 06:50 AM
Wad sad, stinky world we live in.

Aurora
05-03-2002, 06:55 AM
so is it really against the law for them to cut the cheese now?

Somec
05-03-2002, 06:57 AM
Originally posted by Bounty
6. THE LIGHTING OF FLATULENCE WITH ANY TYPE OF OPEN FLAME IS STILL PROHIBITED.


OMFG! can't.... breathe.... :rofl:

Mav
05-03-2002, 07:01 AM
Originally posted by Bounty
"I ATE AT THE GALLEY" IS NOT TO BE ACCEPTED AS AN EXCUSE FOR FAILURE TO CONTROL ONESELF.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

james
05-03-2002, 07:04 AM
It is an obvious joke.

And if it isn't, I'm refusing to pay taxes from now on.

Somec
05-03-2002, 07:08 AM
Well, ya James... but it's funny... :look:

james
05-03-2002, 07:15 AM
only in a middle school kinda way

Bounty
09-10-2003, 11:46 PM
Yeah, yeah ... old thread, but it's pretty funny. It was good for a laugh again when I found it. :lol:

*bump*

Excel
09-10-2003, 11:48 PM
:lol:

If I havent seen it, its new to me!!

Limbo
09-10-2003, 11:48 PM
So you signed up for the Coast Guard insiders newsletter or something?

=mizuno=
09-10-2003, 11:51 PM
:rofl:

Bounty
09-10-2003, 11:52 PM
So you signed up for the Coast Guard insiders newsletter or something?

Uh, no. I posted that when I was still in the Coast Guard. ;)

Reno
09-10-2003, 11:53 PM
obviously fake but still :rofl: