t-100860 Howard My Roommate [Flat] - TribalWar Forums

Howard My Roommate

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SL83
12-27-2001, 03:17 AM
Hmm

For some reason, I cannot directly paste the text from my post in here. I keep getting an error saying too many images or smilies, yet I'm not using any.

....Oh well, I'll just include the link to the 3 different posts. HOPEFULLY, I'll be able to get the text posted directly because Forum Planet is as slow as hell.

http://www.forumplanet.com/PlanetTribes/topic.asp?fid=1613&tid=446784

http://www.forumplanet.com/planettribes/topic.asp?fid=1613&tid=458358

http://www.forumplanet.com/planettribes/topic.asp?fid=1613&tid=481265

It's Howard!
http://www.planettribes.com/sl83/howard.jpg

AgentOrange
12-27-2001, 03:19 AM
sup howard

SL83
12-27-2001, 03:24 AM
Bah, let's try a bit at a time :



As most of you know, my disappearance from PT for a while was due to me heading out to college. More specifically, it was due to the fact that I was put (and still am in) a temporary rooming situtation in my dorm. Instead of 2 people in a small dorm room, there are 3 in mine. I have 2 room mates.

One is cool while the other one sucks, is a slob, a drug addict, and a slacker. The latter is Howard and the former is Keith.

Anyway, let me go into further detail.

When you walk into my suite, there are 3 rooms, a common living area, and a bathroom.

Upon entering, you would notice that there are about 8 pizza boxes, stacked up next to a small garbage can (which has 1 pizza box shoved into it), and empty bottles of soda, beer, water - whatever, lying around the common living area. Most of these pizza boxes have pizza or some form of food still in them, and the oldest one dates back to about a month and a half. There are papers, napkins, ciggarrette butts, pot, gum, potato chip bags, burger king bags, chinese food containers, books, and other "****" lying around.

Aside from this, there is dirty laundry - socks, shirts, boxers, sweaters, a jacket, just lying around on the couches and the floor and the tables. One table has some dried blood on it, which is probably from someone improperly inserting the needle to shoot up drugs (ok I'm exaggerating on that part (I don't know if Howard shoots up or not, I don't care )).

Suffice to say, it's a F*ing mess.

Keep in mind now, this is the living room, the common area, where we are supposed to be able to hang out and have friends around.

Every single item in this area belongs to Howard.

Everyone else, is neat, and keeps their stuff in their room, aside from Keith, who will actually clean up his mess though if you tell him to.

Walk into my dorm room.

Papers, crushed potato chips, bottles, Q-Tips, books, and Howard's dirty laundry, all over the floor or all over one of the two desks in the room.

The room is tight enough with 3 people in there, we don't need more crap all around the room to make it smaller. Oh well.

The Bathroom:

Let's see, where shall I start?

The bathroom consists of a toilet in a stall that locks, two small sinks, a large mirror, and a shower with 2 curtains (one to keep the water from splashing out, one so you can get dressed behind).

SL83
12-27-2001, 03:24 AM
When Howard uses the toilet, he takes toilet paper and puts it on the seat of the toilet. That's fine with me, but why do I know about this?

The sod leaves it there when he finishes. It probably never occurs to him that no one wants to touch that. Never occurs to him that maybe he should put it in the toilet and flush it with whatever he was doing in there....oh wait...he doesn't flush the toilet either.

The sink:

Howard shaves his legs. He's a big black kid who is supposed to play football while at college, but for some reason he is ineligible to play. He shaves his legs at the sink, and then the sink has all his leg-hairs all over it. Pretty nasty.

The shower:

On quite a few occasions, Howard would take a shower. Now, it wouldn't make sense to go in behind the curtain and "prepare to shower" so no one else would have to see your bare ass naked. No, Howard enjoyed running into the bathroom naked for all to see (I am quite glad I never had to experience such a fright). My two friends in Room B had the unpleasant exposure to him though.

It was kinda funny to hear 2 guys start cursing at Howard in chinese though.

Howard would often "borrow" your soap and whatever else a normal person might leave in the shower area. This led to the creation of the "Ass Bar". I don't think I have to explain it, but for those who don't get my point; The "Ass Bar", is a bar of soap used STRICTLY for YOUR ass. So, if Howard wants to borrow your soap, that's just fine and dandy with me, he just doesn't know where it has been.

Everytime Howard would take a shower, a mysterious pond would develop right in front of the bathroom door. Howard was stumped as to how this happened. Apparently, the idea of drying off in the shower where there is a DRAIN and then stepping out of the shower is foreign to him.

Quick thinking on my part, however, came up with a solution for this as well. Howard would leave all his things in the bathroom as well, clothes, and towels.

..Oops, someone knocked this towel, shirt, boxers, and whatnot, off the toilet stall door and into that big puddle there. Oh well, I guess I might as well sop it up.

SL83
12-27-2001, 03:25 AM
You remember the toilet paper, that Howard would leave on the toilet seat? Well, I ponder if he ever wondered what that bad taste that accompanied his tooth brush was. I'd often give it a good 3 or 4 swirls in the bowl :)

Back to my room:

Howard would often "borrow without asking and then not replacing" food, drinks, and money from Keith and myself. I got smart and stopped bringing food and drinks. If I did bring them, they were hidden in my friends room instead of mine :) I had no problem ordering Domino's and Chinese Food on his Debit card though, which he'd leave lying around anywhere, not even kept in his wallet.

Howard lost his key to the room 3 times. The first time, it was 4 days after he had gotten it. He'd go out and say "Yo, keep that door unlocked." Of course I had a 2 hour film lab at 7 pm so I had to go, and I don't want my valuables to be stolen so I would lock the door. Howard would be locked out, but thats not my problem :)

So, when someone loses their key, EVERY door knob in the suite has to be changed. The main door lock, and the 3 room door locks. It was an inconvenience to everyone, because WE had to walk and get our keys. However, we just didn't notify Howard that the office was closing in 5 minutes and if he didn't pick up his new key he'd have to wait until the weekend turned to Monday afternoon.
We had fun locking him out some more :)

SL83
12-27-2001, 03:26 AM
He lost his keys again, and we had the door locks changed again, this is all being billed to Howard, keep in mind, so it's not THAT big a deal, but still an incovenience to us.

The 3rd time he lost his keys, he found them 5 days later in his jacket pocket.

Howard would lend out Keith's PS2 games without asking, and when one of his friend's room was left unlocked and the game was stolen, Keith wasn't too happy. Keith decided to lend out Howard's phone card to other people, without Howard's permission. This was MY idea of course. :)

Anyway, fast forward to the weekend before Thanksgiving. We have a whole week for vacation, and we have to leave campus.

There was a health and safety check thursday night at 10 pm. The RA wasn't too happy about the mess. When she said "WHAT THE F*** IS THIS?!", I accidentally mentioned that it was all Howard's mess. Whoops. The RA knocked on Hai-Bei and Lin's door, the two Chinese kids in the B room, and started yelling at them about the mess for some reason unknown to me, and then she did the same to Will and Chris in the C room. We all gave her the same answer though. We weren't going to clean it up because it wasn't our mess.

Howard and Keith were not present at the time. The only person that she didn't yell at was me, for some odd reason :)

She warned us that if the mess was not cleaned up by tomorrow morning that she would write us up. We agreed that she could write us up right now and save her the trip to come back to our room in the morning before her class.

She was made well aware that it was not our mess :)

When Keith got back I let him know about it, and he usually cleans up the mess because he is nice. I told him to leave it the hell alone. I didn't mention anything to Howard about the Health and Safety inspection :)

Anyway, that about wraps it up. I can't think of anything else to put in here to describe my first semester of college.

Oh yeah, now I remember. Howard packed up ALL his things. He didn't leave a single thing in the room (except his mess, which I hope the RA hires a professional cleaning service and bills to Howard's parents, to clean up). He apparently doesn't like the university and is going to beg his "mommy" to not make him go back there.

It would only be fair to mention that Howard did have a bad experience. I mean, if I failed all my classes I wouldn't want to go back, but then again, that's what happens when you NEVER go to class.

Oh well.

To give you an idea of how disliked this kid was, when I mentioned that he might not be coming back next semester, everyone was quite happy :) Even people who DON'T live in our suite were happy to hear about that.

Yeah, I think I'm done now. I may add more if I can think of anything else.

Curious_George
12-27-2001, 03:28 AM
:rofl: what an idiot

Draconix
12-27-2001, 03:28 AM
dude sl83
um, w/3 ;/
dont even know why im pressing reply to this

Onnotangu
12-27-2001, 03:30 AM
everyone has a friend like that.

MastaPowers
12-27-2001, 03:31 AM
hahha, well atleast you can look back and think to your self, he has **** breath

Draconix
12-27-2001, 03:32 AM
like im sure it sucks and stuff and hope you take care of it but

:baby::baby::baby::baby:: baby:

SL83
12-27-2001, 03:33 AM
Part 2:

Today I was just asked by Will, one of my suitemates, about the de-tripling form. My response: "WTF are you talking about?!" (ie: "What de-tripling form?")

He told me that he was speaking to Jen, our RhD (Residence Hall Director; Person who runs my residence building), about Howard and how he is a slob and everything else mentioned HERE. She told him that we received our de-tripling forms, but that she had not gotten it back from us yet.

So, Will told me to go down and speak with Jen and find out WTF happened, our departing words were something along the lines of: "Get Howard OUT." "Command Acknowledged."

I go down, speak with Jen, and she tells me it was handed to one of the 3 people in my room. I hadn't even heard about this form until Will told me, so it definitely wasn't handed to me.

That leaves 2 people: Keith or Howard.

Using my master skills of deduction, I came to the conclusion that it was handed to Howard. The process was quite simple: If it was handed to Keith, I would've heard about it, and it would've been signed and sent back down with Howard's signature (legitimately or forged). Since Keith did not mention a thing about it, I knew he did not get it.

So, Jen told me to go into my room and look for it (she probably didn't know how much she was asking). If I couldn't find it, she would make a copy of someone elses and cross out the room number and change it to ours.

I go up, and ravage about the room.

***

Fast forward 30 minutes. I toss a 5-8 pairs of Howard's boxers off part of his desk. Buried underneath is my salvation, albeit crumpled, slightly damp (EW), and torn.

I bring it down to Jen, who looks at it in disgust and I tell her where it had been, and then she understands.

She tells me the form must be filled out by the person who will be LEAVING the suite. She asks me if we already know who will be leaving with a knowing smile.

So, now I have to wait here for Howard to get back from the Police Station (he lost his wallet and someone was kind enough to turn it in).

I'll be letting Keith know that we got this form.

We are going to have a little meeting. Howard, and the other 6 in the suite :) We are going to FORCE him to sign the paper. If he doesn't sign it, I will be forced to show him naked pictures of <3 TySoft <3, and then toss him out the window.

Either way, we are all going to make sure he gets OUT of the room.

So, that's a good thing :)

A small note on what has happened between the time period of this post and the last post I made about Howard.

#1) He got drunk and fell down a flight of stairs, breaking his nose (HAHAHAHAHAHAA)
#2) Howard lost his wallet
#3) Howard gets a call from the police about his wallet being found, he's not there to receive it. I am =) It slips my mind.
#4) Howard gets a call 2 days later about his wallet being found. He receives it :(
#5) Cleaning woman filed a complaint about our suite because the bathroom is too filthy. Toilet paper everywhere, boxes, cans, dirty socks, boxers, towels, and whatnot.
#6) I slept through my 9:50 and 11:20 am classes again.
#7) Will and I have a 10 minute discussion on who he could sue if he trips and breaks his leg on some of the junk outside in our common area. We come to the conclusion that breaking both of Howard's legs would be A) Stress relieving B) Less painful for us C) Fun.

So if you receive a message from me that is along the lines of F*ing w00tar, you know what I'm talking about.

In Reply To #2
Nope, Howard came back after the vacation :(

He's also coming back next semester. He's not going to stay here though.

[added Nov 28 2001 11:50AM]

BAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA [evil laughing for 30 minutes]

Howard came into the room 10 minutes ago. He looked like he was stoned, and he smelled like pot.

I took the opportunity to push the De-tripling form at him.

I told him he had to sign it, as it regards rooming for next semester. He looked at it, went "HUAHwuhhh?" , and then signed it.

Howard is out. That was too easy :) As soon as he left I ran it down to the RhD's office and she phoned it in. :)

Bye bye Howard.


Last night Howard went out drinking with some friends. He never came back.

I figured he got drunk and passed out at his friend's place or something.

This morning he gets back. It turns out he spent the night in jail.

Apparently, some cops noticed he was piss-ass drunk and they arrested him and his friends before they could drive (good thing).

My only gripe is why didn't they hold them for a week or so?

SL83
12-27-2001, 03:38 AM
Part 3:

Pictorial
Howard's Test Grades
http://www.planettribes.com/sl83/howardtest1.jpg
http://www.planettribes.com/sl83/howardtest2.jpg

Howard's Desk
http://www.planettribes.com/sl83/dorm0.jpg

Suite Common Area

http://www.planettribes.com/sl83/dorm1.jpg
http://www.planettribes.com/sl83/dorm2.jpg
http://www.planettribes.com/sl83/dorm3.jpg

pt_anarchist
12-27-2001, 03:52 AM
bump

KellyMonaco
12-27-2001, 03:59 AM
Originally posted by pt_anarchist
bump
Yeah I was hoping there was more too... :)

SL83
12-27-2001, 04:02 AM
Howard would make for a good photoshopping thread :)

Sanchez
12-27-2001, 04:03 AM
geebus, does all that trash belong to him??

Jasper
12-27-2001, 04:04 AM
update slaty?

SL83
12-27-2001, 04:04 AM
Yes. That WHOLE mess was caused by Howard. I didn't get pictures of the bathroom, but at one point, he shaved his head with a razor, and clogged up one of our sinks with globs of hair. He just left it in there.

It was so bad that even the cleaning women were complaining.

Phyzx
12-27-2001, 04:33 AM
originally posted by ???, reposted by SL83 on AGST

As I pulled up to the McDonald's drive-thru and gazed at the death-
infested menu which was so obviously responsible for breast cancer,
arthritis, Erik Estrada, racism, and every tragedy in the last 9,000,000
years, I had a change of heart. Instead of my usual "Can I have a #3 combo
with a Coke, please?" I shouted, "Y0 B1TCH! I WANT A FUKN QUADRO-P0UNDER
W1TH N0 FUKN VEGETABULZ 0R SH1T THAT GR0WZ 0N TREEZ!"

"Ok sir, you wanted a Quarter Pounder, just plain, is that correct?"

"N0 B1TCH! I ZED I WANTED A FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER! GET IT R1TE 0R DIE!"

I hear quiet laughter through the speaker. "A what pounder?!"

"A FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER!"

"Uh... I don't think we have that. Are you sure you don't mean a
Quarter Pounder?"

"N0 I D0N'T MEEN A FUKN MEEZLY AZZ QUARTUR P0UNDER! HERE'Z WHAT I WANT,
2 FUKN D0UBLE QUARTER P0UNDERZ PUT T0GETHER 2 MAKE 1 QUADR0-P0UNDER!"

"Ooohhh... you want *2* Double Quarter Pounders then?"

"N0 B1TCH! I WANT 1 FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER! TAKE THE 2 D0UBLEZ, PUT THEM
T0GETHUR AND GIV ME 1 QUADR0! U G0T IT YET BRAINIAK?"

An employee peeks out from the back entrance. "Oh! Ok... I think we
can do that. Would you like cheese on that?"

"FUK N0 B1TCH! I WANT 4 H0T SLABZ 0F C0W DETH 0N A BUN WITH N0 FUKING
HIPPIE AZZ VEGETABULZ! I ALZ0 D0NT WANT ANY FUKING LAME VEGAN FRIEZ 0R ANY
TYPE 0F RECYKULD PAKAGING. N0 KUP, N0 BAG, N0 WRAPPERZ... PUT THE **** 0N
THE WIND0W K0UNTER THING AND I WILL TAKE IT!"

"Uh...."

"FUK IT & GIMME THAT WHICH IZ THE S0URCE 0F ALL EVIL... N0W!"

"Thank you. Please drive to the second window."

For the record, I got my ****ing Quadro-Pounder and it r0cked. I am
faxing McDonald's tomorrow and demanding that this awesome item be
permanently added to every McDonald's menu around the world.